Today I want to bring up a topic that is a bit more serious than my usual banter. I want to talk about eating disorders. I have decided to talk about this issue because of recent publication over too skinny models and the recent death of Anna Reston. I was also looking at a photo the other day of Victoria Beckham and I could see her colar bones popping out and the beginnings of her ribs across her chest. This is just too skinny. I have a Master’s degree in counseling and am working on my PhD in Clinical Psychology and have had some recent experience in working with eating disorders. Most of what I have to say is my opinion as a result of working with eating disorders and struggling with eating disorders of my own.
Eating disorders are not, as many think, about simply losing or gaining weight. Eating disorders are about control. There are two sides to eating disorders, overeating, and starvation/purging. Let me start with over-eating. Overeating affects about 1/2 of all Americans, with at least 1/4 being classified as clinically obese. Britain is starting to report similar numbers and has now declared obesity an epidemic. On the surface, it seems like a simple issue, eat less, exercise more. People often view obese people as lacking in will power. In a way they are right. Obese people lack in will power, specifically as it relates to food and exercise.

But it is not this simple. We are becoming a world of more is better. This applies to our personal and professional lives. Women in particular are afflicted with an intense need to succeed in several areas of their lives. We often control every aspect of the family life from the food that is eaten, to the family finances and many major family decisions. In addition, we are in control of family scheduling, from school events, to carpooling issues. Basically, we have too much control in our lives. We are so busy and so tired that when it comes to eating, we just don’t have the energy to be in control. In this one area, we let go and wish to be left alone.

I truly believe that overeating is about being overcontrolled in every aspect of our lives and overally stressed out. One major obsticle to weight loss, is learning to give over control in other aspects of our lives, freeing up some time to take care of ourselves. In addition, this will reduce our stress, making us much less likely to turn to food for comfort. One extra added bonus of exercise is that it reduces our stress levels. Maybe it is time to get help with the family finances, instead of tackling it all yourself. Or maybe, during the holiday’s we allow (or delegate) other family members to help with the buying and mailing of Christmas presents. Taking “control” of your weight is just one more thing to add to your “to do” list. One more aspect of your life to attempt to gain control of.

As many of us know, the more we try to control all aspects of our lives the less control we actually have, leading to significant stress. One of the best ways to lose weight is to learn to let go. Stop dieting, and start incorporating healthy, longterm eating into your life. Don’t overplan or overthink exercise, just do it. One thing I do, is as soon as I get up in the morning, I put on my workout clothes, lace up my shoes and just workout. I don’t stop to think about, if I did, I wouldn’t do it. This morning, I was super tired, didn’t want to work out. I got up and got dressed as I every morning and just started to walk. About halfway through my walk, I started to come to life and was ready to run. I finished with a couple mile job. It was awesome and I feel so much better and clear headed because of it. Don’t think, don’t plan, don’t overschedule, just do. Make it a part of your daily routine. Something completely unconscious. This is the number one way to reduce stress in your life. I am not kidding, working out is the number one best method of reducing stress. Other great stress relievers, stretching and doing yoga, meditating (which can be as simple as laying down with your eyes closed and thinking about something pleasant, like going to the beach or feeling the warmth of the sun on your body), journaling, and gardening (preferably by yourself). These are just a few examples of great ways to reduce stress. Pick an activity you can do without the spouse and children. A time just for yourself and just go. Don’t think about exercising, just think about lacing up your shoes and going. Don’t control the exercise. Don’t control your eating, and Stop Trying to Control your life.

Now that we have talked about obesity, we can talk about anorexia and bulimia. Much science has found that both of these eating disorders are clearly about control. People with anorexia and bulimia often feel as if they have no control in their lives. They feel as though others control everything they do. This is very applicable to modeling, because someone is usually controlling the models career, telling them where to go, what to wear, and how to live their lives. Anorexics and bulimics have so little control in so many aspects of their lives that they learn to exercise control over what they eat or don’t eat. They often hear from others that they are getting a little pudgy and are hyperfocused on discussions of weight. They create an image of themselves as being overweight and focus all of their energy and control on losing weight and limiting food intake. Women with eating disorders need help in establishing some control in their lives, other than just their eating. They need to feel competent and a part of the decisions affecting their lives. They often come from households with overcontrolling mothers, who do not allow them to make any decisions and who are often hyperfocused on weight themselves. They learn to please their mothers by being “perfect,” and doing exactly as their mothers wish. From perfect hair to perfect grades, these women often don’t get the opportunity to be children. Everything is superscripted for them and they often don’t have the opportunity to make and learn from their mistakes. All of the decision-making is taking out of their hands. They need assistance in learning to experience life and accept mistakes. They need to learn to say no to others and express their opinions. Something that they were never really allowed to do.

Modeling agencies replace the role of the domineering mother, by once again taking control of the models lives. Modeling agencies often perpetuate the problem, not just in that they often are reminding the models about how their weight and their careers are linked, but by telling them what to do and when. Allowing models some sense of control over their careers and reducing the stigma associated with not being anorexic in a career field that prides itself on size 00, would be a great step in the right direction. People with anorexia and bulimia need decision-making skills and assistance in overcoming fear of rejection. This is not something accomplished overnight and often requires years of specialized therapy, sometimes within a residential setting, depending on the severity of the illness. We shouldn’t glorify anorexia, because it is really a scream for help. We should get women with anorexia the help that they need.

Please keep in mind those who will eat uncontollably throughout the season, due to additional stress from added items on the to do list and those who will be gorging on water and cotton (yes, cotton will give a feeling a fullness, without being digested) before holiday events to keep from eating the food on the plates. They do not need to be put down or made to feel bad, this just increases the problem. They often times need the help of real professionals to get their eating disorder under control.

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