I don’t normally get personal on the blog, but I am seeking insight and wisdom from others and would love to hear from you how you have resolved your crossroads in the past. I don’t know how many of you have found yourself at a serious crossroads, in which you are pulled in two directions and don’t know what to do. Right now, this is where I am out.

As many of you know I am working on my PhD in Clinical Psychology. I have basically put most things on the back burner in my life for my education. Having my son was a very wonderful and happy oops in the middle of my PhD program, which definitely slowed things down for me. I was hoping to be done with my PhD by this time. I have been working on it for almost eight years. All told I have put 16 years into my education between my my bachelor’s, my master’s and my PhD work. I currently have over 100,000 in school debt, but at this point I am not sure that I want to go on.

I would love to have another baby. My son is 5 years old and I will be thirty-six in a couple of months. At the rate that I am going I won’t be done with my PhD for at least two to three years. Also I find my passions pulling more towards making a serious difference in this world. More then just helping one person at a time. I want to be involved in writing policies that effect our world, and helping people who are dying for no cause, helping people who have no insurance and who are impovershed. I want to travel and conduct fundraisers for those who can’t fundraise for themselves. I want to be an advocate for animals, people, and the earth. Not that I even know the first place to begin other then letting my voice be heard. I want to teach people that they can still live a fulfilling and exciting life, while be kind to the environment. I want people to be able to experience the job of growing their own organic garden, and bringing food from the earth to the dinner table. I am tired of sitting back and watching people destroy the earth.

I also know if I finish my PhD I can go into ecopsychology and may be able to effect some change through this pursuit. I have two years to complete my PhD and if it is not finished by that time, I will not be able to finish it. I seem to have had nothing but roadblocks since I began my PhD and they don’t seem to getting any better. I have stumbled across a major roadblock that will effect my ability to sign up for internships this year and could potentially negatively effect my ability to finish my PhD. When I finish my PhD, what I wanted to do was open an organic, cruelty-free health resort that uses all organic materials and is totally sustainable, with a garden that patrons can work in and pull fresh ingredients from. I want to have a organic/vegan beauty salon and boutique, a vegan/organic restaurant, organic resort in which there is soothing music, organic everything and a beautiful setting along the central coast of California. I want meditation rooms and yoga and places where people can learn to center themselves and find balance. I want to be able to do some mild counseling, that helps people learn to think outside of themselves and understand their position in the universe and ecosystem. That allows everyday problems to not seem so extreme and teaches them to live in balance with the earth. I would also like to bring in intercity or “at risk” youth during the off season and teach them to find balance and congruence with the earth. To learn that the earth is here to nourish them, but if we destroy it there will be nothing left. Nike’s aren’t so important when there is nothing left. I am not sure that I truly need my PhD to continue forward and I am not sure how much more I am willing to sacrifice to get it at this time. Anyway, this might provide some insight as to why I have not been posting as regularly as I have in the past. Though I love blogging more then anything and it provides a great release from the stressors of everyday life, I have been doing some heavy thinking about my life and the direction I want to go at this time.

Anyway, I would love to hear from others who have experienced roadblocks in the past and how they have resolved them. I will post a link to the Vegan Fashion Forum if you prefer to post your thoughts there, otherwise feel free to drop a comment here on the blog.

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